suamaytinh5s
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Do you wish you had a step-by-step process for influencing people?
Maybe you want to drive more sales for your business or get your kids to eat their vegetables?
In the book "Methods of persuasion" by Nick Kolenda, he described this as a 7 step process, which can be remembered by the acronym "Methods":
So let's get into more detail...
Before your request, you'll want to change the lens through which your target sees the world. This can be done in 4 ways:
1: Priming: Did you know that mentioning words related to being old caused the participants in one study to walk slower when leaving the study? Or that showing a picture of a library made students quieter in another study? This works because knowledge is organized in semantic networks, and activating one node, will trigger related nodes.
2: Anchoring: How likely are you to share this video? More or less than 90%?...
If your range for sharing this video was 40-60%, then you likely thought 90% was too much adjusted down to your upper bound of 60%.
If I instead had asked whether it was less than 10% than you would have moved up to your lower bound of 40%
3: Convey high expectations: This is like anchoring, but just applied to expectations
4: The contrast effect: Can you share this post with 50 people? Oh... you don't want to?... Can you at least upvote then?
Applying contrast in this way can make one option appear better because it's seen compared to a worse option!
When people's behavior and attitude don't match up they experience cognitive dissonance.
So when you want to ask your friend for $100, then start by asking "Hey, do you mind sparing $10?", when he says "yes of course!" he will get the attitude of being someone who helps you, because that's what his behavior reflected, and he doesn't want cognitive dissonance.
If you then ask: "Hey, do you mind sparring another 100$?" then your friend will want to stay congruent with his new attitude of being someone who helps you!
Here you can use all your social persuasion techniques.
Offer them a gum, and they'll want to return the favor, because of the social norm of reciprocity.
Reveal any similarities between you and your target to build rapport. Even better if the similarity is uncommon, like if you discover you both are huge fans of the children's show "My little pony"!
Mirroring their body language, WITHOUT them noticing that you are consciously doing it, can also be a great way to build rapport.
And lastly, since most people want to follow social norms, you could take advantage of this. If you are a busking musician on the street, then putting some money in your hat before you start, will make it seem like the norm is to offer you money.
Which image do you think you would prefer? An image of what you look like in the mirror, or an image of the way your friends see you?
The mere-exposure effect says that people tend to develop a preference for things they encounter often. Therefore, it's the most likely that you prefer the way you look in the mirror, while your friends prefer to see you the way they always see you.
Take advantage of this by exposing your target to the topic of your request often. If you want to go traveling with your husband, then weeks before asking him you could leave travel brochures around the house and talk about the other times you've been traveling.
The previous 4 steps were all for preparing and now you can finally make your request!
Keep in mind that after you've made this request, they'll either evaluate it systematically or mindlessly and you'll need to present your request accordingly.
If they evaluate your request systematically they are more convinced by your arguments.
Tell all your best arguments at first and last, because that's what they'll remember the best, but also mention some negative things in the middle to make it more realistic.
If they evaluate your request mindlessly, they are more convinced by other things like aesthetics and the amount of information. If you are making a mindless decision about which toothpaste to buy, then you are more likely to buy the one that lists many benefits and are aesthetically appealing. Setting a time constraint or asking people when they are in a good mood can make them more likely to choose in this way.
This step is for sparking some motivation after you've made your request.
Imagine you helped your friend move into his new house and he offers you 10$. How would you feel? Now imagine instead that you received a bottle of wine that you would both be sharing.
In most cases, social incentives like buying a bottle of wine or giving praise are more powerful, because giving money is more likely to shift intrinsic motivation to external motivation.
If you want your kids to eat vegetables, then you probably don't want it to be a one-time event.
To sustain their compliance you could make favorable associations by always playing their favorite songs in the background while they are eating their vegetables.
Here is an animated video of this summary, for those that don't like reading
Maybe you want to drive more sales for your business or get your kids to eat their vegetables?
In the book "Methods of persuasion" by Nick Kolenda, he described this as a 7 step process, which can be remembered by the acronym "Methods":
- Mold their perception
- Elicit congruent attitudes
- Trigger social pressure
- Habituate your message
- Optimize your message
- Drive their momentum
- Sustain their compliance
So let's get into more detail...
Step 1: Mold their perception:
Before your request, you'll want to change the lens through which your target sees the world. This can be done in 4 ways:
1: Priming: Did you know that mentioning words related to being old caused the participants in one study to walk slower when leaving the study? Or that showing a picture of a library made students quieter in another study? This works because knowledge is organized in semantic networks, and activating one node, will trigger related nodes.
2: Anchoring: How likely are you to share this video? More or less than 90%?...
If your range for sharing this video was 40-60%, then you likely thought 90% was too much adjusted down to your upper bound of 60%.
If I instead had asked whether it was less than 10% than you would have moved up to your lower bound of 40%
3: Convey high expectations: This is like anchoring, but just applied to expectations
4: The contrast effect: Can you share this post with 50 people? Oh... you don't want to?... Can you at least upvote then?
Applying contrast in this way can make one option appear better because it's seen compared to a worse option!
Step 2: Elicit congruent attitudes:
When people's behavior and attitude don't match up they experience cognitive dissonance.
So when you want to ask your friend for $100, then start by asking "Hey, do you mind sparing $10?", when he says "yes of course!" he will get the attitude of being someone who helps you, because that's what his behavior reflected, and he doesn't want cognitive dissonance.
If you then ask: "Hey, do you mind sparring another 100$?" then your friend will want to stay congruent with his new attitude of being someone who helps you!
Step 3: Trigger social pressure:
Here you can use all your social persuasion techniques.
Offer them a gum, and they'll want to return the favor, because of the social norm of reciprocity.
Reveal any similarities between you and your target to build rapport. Even better if the similarity is uncommon, like if you discover you both are huge fans of the children's show "My little pony"!
Mirroring their body language, WITHOUT them noticing that you are consciously doing it, can also be a great way to build rapport.
And lastly, since most people want to follow social norms, you could take advantage of this. If you are a busking musician on the street, then putting some money in your hat before you start, will make it seem like the norm is to offer you money.
Step 4: Habituate your message:
Which image do you think you would prefer? An image of what you look like in the mirror, or an image of the way your friends see you?
The mere-exposure effect says that people tend to develop a preference for things they encounter often. Therefore, it's the most likely that you prefer the way you look in the mirror, while your friends prefer to see you the way they always see you.
Take advantage of this by exposing your target to the topic of your request often. If you want to go traveling with your husband, then weeks before asking him you could leave travel brochures around the house and talk about the other times you've been traveling.
Step 5: Optimize your message:
The previous 4 steps were all for preparing and now you can finally make your request!
Keep in mind that after you've made this request, they'll either evaluate it systematically or mindlessly and you'll need to present your request accordingly.
If they evaluate your request systematically they are more convinced by your arguments.
Tell all your best arguments at first and last, because that's what they'll remember the best, but also mention some negative things in the middle to make it more realistic.
If they evaluate your request mindlessly, they are more convinced by other things like aesthetics and the amount of information. If you are making a mindless decision about which toothpaste to buy, then you are more likely to buy the one that lists many benefits and are aesthetically appealing. Setting a time constraint or asking people when they are in a good mood can make them more likely to choose in this way.
Step 6: Drive their momentum
This step is for sparking some motivation after you've made your request.
Imagine you helped your friend move into his new house and he offers you 10$. How would you feel? Now imagine instead that you received a bottle of wine that you would both be sharing.
In most cases, social incentives like buying a bottle of wine or giving praise are more powerful, because giving money is more likely to shift intrinsic motivation to external motivation.
Step 7: Sustain their compliance
If you want your kids to eat vegetables, then you probably don't want it to be a one-time event.
To sustain their compliance you could make favorable associations by always playing their favorite songs in the background while they are eating their vegetables.
Here is an animated video of this summary, for those that don't like reading