@ajay004 This looks like a great service and your pitch effectively makes the case for fractional executive services in today's business world. A few points, since you've asked for feedback.
Who would be the audience for this pitch? You're seeking seed money for the service, so I'm assuming investors? If so, leading with the problems startups face, as you do, is good. I think you might be missing a piece on how your services specifically address those problems and provide real benefit to companies. It's implied by the fact that you lost the problems then offer your solution, but maybe you could include some case examples of how you've actually helped some startups and what they are able to do that they couldn't have otherwise? Even a testimonial or two might be good to include.
There are a couple grammatical errors in the script with subject/verb agreement. One was something like, "it's easier to hire when the list of candidates are not limited by geography." You want "is" here, not "are," because it's the list you're talking about, and that's singular. I noticed one another in there too, and there might be others. I'd fix them even if they're minor--you don't want anything undermining your professionalism.
I think you could improve the presentation by stressing the executives' experience. In what industries have they worked? What awards have they won? How many combined years of service? Things like that. It's hard to know from this pitch who I would be working with if I contacted with you.
Anyway, hope this helps. Good luck with your pitch!
