@scootydash Happy Box? What the fuck does that even mean? Do you make children's toys? Because that's the first impression I got.
Even after reading your landing page, the name Fun Box just doesn't sit right with me. You're conversion specialists. You make cold, data-driven decisions to maximize revenue. The name of the company seems completely at odds with your messaging and focus.
The progression of your copy is bizarre.
The main headline and sub-headline did a decent job of grabbing my attention. But what are marketing systems? What kind of systems? Are we talking the 4 (or 3) P's of marketing? Are we talking digital marketing?
It is especially annoying that I have to scroll halfway down the page to conclusively learn that you are indeed a digital marketing company. This is kind of an important detail, don't you think?
HAPPINESS IS IN THE FUNNEL
The headline is vague and meaningless. Happiness is in the funnel? What funnel?! If I haven't read your blog, and have not heard of this term before, I have NO fucking clue what you're talking about. You don't even bother explaining!
And why HAPPINESS?! I want to increase my goddamn revenue, not sell my worldly belongings and move to a hippy commune.
The subheadline is equally problematic, but for different reasons. "all-in-one solution," "integrated," "money-making," are fluffy marketeering terms that make me roll my eyes. They'll make potential clients roll their eyes too. What PURPOSE does this copy serve? This is valuable space, and you're filling it with meaningless drivel.
Okay, so let's assume that your main headline got my attention. Now, you should be building my interest by succinctly summarizing the benefits. Instead I'm greeted with a vague and meaningless description of some 4-step process. At this point of your landing page, I don't even know what your company does. So why the fuck am I reading your process?
The body of this section is also quite bad. The styles of your steps do not agree. Your first step is a noun (business analysis), and your 2nd, 3rd, and 4th steps are verbs (generate, capture, nurture). Your step descriptions are vague and fluffy. Why are you even describing your process if you don't have anything meaningful to say about it?
WANT TO HERE WHAT WE CAN DO FOR YOUR BUSINESS?
OH GOD! A spelling mistake RIGHT before a CTA? You're really not building my confidence here.
Let's Talk
Okay, so since you're conversion specialists, I'm going to assume you A/B tested your CTAs. However, I honestly don't see how you could have chosen "Let's Talk" as the CTA to plaster all over your landing page. Neither of these words inspire action. Neither give me any sense of urgency.
Video
The script here is actually decent. You provide a few very clear benefits:
- Get the most out of your marketing dollar
- Uncover new opportunities
- Confidently invest in campaigns
Why the fuck do I have to scroll to near the end of the page to hear these benefits? You could literally start your landing page with the text and video from this section without losing any meaningful copy. Chances are, you'll also increase your conversion.
The rest
Going through the rest will take me hours. I just don't have the time. Instead, I'll leave you with some general notes:
- Get rid of the fluff. 90% of your text can be outright removed without negatively impacting your pitch.
- Focus on benefits. You have some great ones in the video, but they're nowhere to be found in the copy of your landing page.
- Be specific. Every marketing agency on the face of the earth claims to increase revenue. Give me numbers. Give me statistics.
- Triple check for grammar. Mistakes in copy can destroy your credibility in the eyes of potential clients. It just looks lazy and unprofessional.
Gotta have a meeting with a client now. I'll share my thoughts on the blog a little later.