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How to be taken seriously as a female founder?
- Thread starter thepaintedbeat
- Start date
zachariahs
New member
@thepaintedbeat
You don't need to sound aggressive. I am a female founder (non-technical). If I were you, at the very beginning of the call or meeting, I'd just say :Hi, I'm wokerNo195, CTO (or tech lead, whatever you want) at "company name", thanks for joining me today...blah..
What is it. Do I need to be more authoritative and aggressive? To be taken seriously?
You don't need to sound aggressive. I am a female founder (non-technical). If I were you, at the very beginning of the call or meeting, I'd just say :Hi, I'm wokerNo195, CTO (or tech lead, whatever you want) at "company name", thanks for joining me today...blah..
@thepaintedbeat Sexism and sexual harassment is so common in startup culture. It’s honestly exhausting. I just can’t deal with it anymore.
I don’t have good advice . The advice I’ve gotten over the years is to be tougher . To not let it bother you. To ignore it. To use it to your advantage.
Blah blah blah
None of it matters. None of it works. And frankly the people giving this advice are either men who have NO IDEA what it’s like or women who are so numb themselves they just put all of the pain and hurt into a little box and lock it away and pretend it doesn’t bother them.
Things need to change from the top. More women making decisions. More women managing where the money goes. Basically women need to flood the space for any change to ever come in the future.
It’s going to take time. And the brutal unfortunate truth of it all is that in order to get there, an extensive amount of women are basically going to have to deal with this bullshit and keep fighting until we’re finally loud and powerful enough to where when we speak our words stop rooms and people listen
We’re not there yet .
it’s a much larger societal issue and we are a very long way from ever seeing change - if ever. And that’s the fucking truth.
I don’t have good advice . The advice I’ve gotten over the years is to be tougher . To not let it bother you. To ignore it. To use it to your advantage.
Blah blah blah
None of it matters. None of it works. And frankly the people giving this advice are either men who have NO IDEA what it’s like or women who are so numb themselves they just put all of the pain and hurt into a little box and lock it away and pretend it doesn’t bother them.
Things need to change from the top. More women making decisions. More women managing where the money goes. Basically women need to flood the space for any change to ever come in the future.
It’s going to take time. And the brutal unfortunate truth of it all is that in order to get there, an extensive amount of women are basically going to have to deal with this bullshit and keep fighting until we’re finally loud and powerful enough to where when we speak our words stop rooms and people listen
We’re not there yet .
it’s a much larger societal issue and we are a very long way from ever seeing change - if ever. And that’s the fucking truth.
@asong4him She asked for advice. What would you rather hear? Give up?
terrym5407
New member
@jake1999 You know, far be it from me to say that everything is good right now but man did it used to be worse. If you ever watch documentaries from the 70's and 80's it's remarkable how much more overt it was. In the Netflix doc about the Challenger, they played the interview with Judy Resnick and I think Brokaw, and god it was unbelievable the line of questioning that was considered inoffensive. So over the long run the change does come, but it's a game of inches and it's from people pushing back little by little in the 35 years since then. Idk, I took a women's studies class in undergrad because hey wouldn't it be funny and it was one of the most profound experiences of my life. It's not easy to just perfectly imagine the world through someone else's eyes so IMO if you see something, say something.
@terrym5407 I completely agree
carleannah
New member
@carleannah I think you misinterpreted what they were saying... Sometimes men who would help working on changing an issue don't know that the issue exists because we dont experience it ourselves, that's all
Bringing it into the light already does a lot to move the ball
Bringing it into the light already does a lot to move the ball
@doran But that’s also a humongous issue. Women talk about it all of the time. It’s addressed on the news, in other forms of media, in TV shows, in movies, all over social media, so on and so forth. If there are men in society that actually have zero idea it’s a problem…it’s only because they are choosing not to listen. Ignorance is bliss for them so they live and thrive in it.
Being a man is so much of a leg up on life, the very least men can do is not be ignorant to the opposite sex’ struggles and be a PROACTIVE advocate. Oftentimes I hear this common response to a woman bringing these issues up…even seen on this post by other redditors… “ all I know is I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that…. Anyway good luck .”
It’s not enough to be complacent and ask the ones struggling to put forth even more effort to remind men to be mindful and aware of such an obvious thing
Being a man is so much of a leg up on life, the very least men can do is not be ignorant to the opposite sex’ struggles and be a PROACTIVE advocate. Oftentimes I hear this common response to a woman bringing these issues up…even seen on this post by other redditors… “ all I know is I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that…. Anyway good luck .”
It’s not enough to be complacent and ask the ones struggling to put forth even more effort to remind men to be mindful and aware of such an obvious thing
@jake1999 People are inherently lazy and selfish, that's a fact of life because it is a necessary prerequisite for survival. Expecting anyone to do anything because "it's the least they can do" is simply unrealistic in practice, which we have seen as a species time after time.
I understand where you are coming from, and I do try to be proactive whenever I have the chance, simply because I (selfishly) believe that an equitable society is beneficial to everyone in a multitude of unmeasurable ways and I care deeply about the women in my life and would hate for them to experience something similar.
That said however, I barely have the time and energy to manage my own life, health, and social relationships, and unless I am personally confronted with something and able to address it immediately, the chances of me personally being able to change something become very slim other than who I vote for, what entertainment I consume, what I spend my money on, what little time I spend on social media, and what I talk about with friends / family. With all of these things I try to do the right thing, but that's obviously not always enough.
The "bad apples" of society mostly know by now not to pull this kind of crap in front of other men (or other people in general) unless they know they can get away with it, so the actual possibility of me personally being able to confront someone is almost non-existant.
I would also like to add that any generalizations made around sex, gender, race or anything comparable are always dismissive of minority groups within that classification. For example, when you say "Being a man is so much of a leg up on life, the very least men can do is not be ignorant to the opposite sex’ struggles and be a PROACTIVE advocate.", it is extremely unsympathetic and probably antagonizing to all men who suffer from poverty, racial discrimination, abuse or any other extreme disadvantages in life.
I fundamentally agree with your underlying statement and would like to encourage everyone to keep fighting the good fight on all sides of the table!
TLDR; "The squeaky wheel gets the grease"
I understand where you are coming from, and I do try to be proactive whenever I have the chance, simply because I (selfishly) believe that an equitable society is beneficial to everyone in a multitude of unmeasurable ways and I care deeply about the women in my life and would hate for them to experience something similar.
That said however, I barely have the time and energy to manage my own life, health, and social relationships, and unless I am personally confronted with something and able to address it immediately, the chances of me personally being able to change something become very slim other than who I vote for, what entertainment I consume, what I spend my money on, what little time I spend on social media, and what I talk about with friends / family. With all of these things I try to do the right thing, but that's obviously not always enough.
The "bad apples" of society mostly know by now not to pull this kind of crap in front of other men (or other people in general) unless they know they can get away with it, so the actual possibility of me personally being able to confront someone is almost non-existant.
I would also like to add that any generalizations made around sex, gender, race or anything comparable are always dismissive of minority groups within that classification. For example, when you say "Being a man is so much of a leg up on life, the very least men can do is not be ignorant to the opposite sex’ struggles and be a PROACTIVE advocate.", it is extremely unsympathetic and probably antagonizing to all men who suffer from poverty, racial discrimination, abuse or any other extreme disadvantages in life.
I fundamentally agree with your underlying statement and would like to encourage everyone to keep fighting the good fight on all sides of the table!
TLDR; "The squeaky wheel gets the grease"
@carleannah I agree. It shouldn’t be our responsibility to teach men how to be decent human beings. But religion, culture, music and other elements of society have engrained it in the thought process of men that if anything is wrong with the way women are being treated - it’s a woman’s problem. Even with this man’s good intentions, he still somehow ended up in that same place. Pushing the responsibility onto others will never elicit change IF you actually want to see it happen.
@jake1999 Well why would men want to make this change if it benefits them? What would be their incentive? You and I both know that people, both male and female, are concerned with their own gain at the end of the day. Men just happen to be more advantageous in these types of pursuits bc of the reasons you listed. What would make the majority care?
@thepaintedbeat I don't work in AI but I work in merchandise/video games and I have since I was about 19 in various levels of authority from team lead at Xbox customer support to CEO. I deal with multi-million dollar deals, I know my shit better than a lot of others and at least in my experience: none of it matters lmfao. I could be the smartest person in the room and there's always going to be a person who makes boatloads of money and just wants to condescend/be a nightmare.
I've taken to documenting it. All those calls with nightmare people, I just keep a log of it. Sure there's normal call notes, but all these other (more personal less work related) notes too, because I never want to work with these people if I run into them years later, and this is the easiest way I can think of to do it.
edit: just straight up not working with the real assholes and monsters if you can do it is the ideal, but it's not realistic at a lot of startups. i had a calendar for any deals i signed where i felt frustrated/bad about having to work with them but had no other way forward BUT to, and then made them my priorities on trying to fix long-term.
I've taken to documenting it. All those calls with nightmare people, I just keep a log of it. Sure there's normal call notes, but all these other (more personal less work related) notes too, because I never want to work with these people if I run into them years later, and this is the easiest way I can think of to do it.
edit: just straight up not working with the real assholes and monsters if you can do it is the ideal, but it's not realistic at a lot of startups. i had a calendar for any deals i signed where i felt frustrated/bad about having to work with them but had no other way forward BUT to, and then made them my priorities on trying to fix long-term.
@thepaintedbeat Do you talk about the tech? Do you go into sufficient technical detail?
I'm not debating that there is implicit biases people make, and that can make it harder to be taken seriously.
But if you give them the technical information they need. And if they make some shitty comment about "connecting with developers" or "ask the tech guy", you could respond with "what technical detail that we haven't covered would you like to know more about?"... then give them that detail. Break their stereotypes by just delivering the information clearly and succinctly.
If they still act like sexist idiots after you've done that, then you know they are not worth working with.
I'm not debating that there is implicit biases people make, and that can make it harder to be taken seriously.
But if you give them the technical information they need. And if they make some shitty comment about "connecting with developers" or "ask the tech guy", you could respond with "what technical detail that we haven't covered would you like to know more about?"... then give them that detail. Break their stereotypes by just delivering the information clearly and succinctly.
If they still act like sexist idiots after you've done that, then you know they are not worth working with.