Seeking Advice: Startup Failed, Finances Ruined, Feeling Lost

[princess1984]

@cindie

definitely just numbing the pain for now...deal with the harsh reality of the situation.

You haven't accepted yet that you're a CEO and leader

One last recommendation and I'll leave you alone. Ask around, I think you'll find that starting a company, only to watch up it go up in flames is simply part of the process and not always a reflection of you.

You will go through some (many?) companies before you start one that actually makes it. From each you take away a variety of lessons that will influence your future decisions. That's how you become great.

If you are realizing that you didn't enjoy the experience as CEO/co-founder, then consider a career change.

If you really enjoyed the experience overall, move on and don't let the future slip through your fingers.

Sometimes when I feel like I need a motivational slap in the face I give a listen this speech from ET. It may not apply to you, but I always like to pass it along to others.

Cheers

 

[jrodgs]

@cindie You will be all good my friend! Believe in yourself. You are one of the few people on this planet earth who decided to build things and make a dent on the way things are. Did it fail ? Yes May be , but you know what a bigger failure is not trying. Some more time and I am sure a courageous person like you will be kicking ass everywhere. Also please take care of yourself. Remember you are in this for a long haul and you have plenty of opportunities still to be explored.

 

[sullyrb1979]

@cindie I think everybody should experience at least one failure to learn that everything will be alright, it sucks in the moment now, but you'll know what it's like to hit rock bottom and become more resilient in the future. Most of your peers your age probably can't relate to you making it feel lonier, but take this time to give yourself a break, get yourself a job to pay off those debt, and the extra free time not building a business will give you clarity. Sometimes we're so busy running in a rut that we never make time for certain things meant for us, some friends I knew worked so much and it's not until they get laid off that they had more free time to have hobbies. Because they're into that hobby, they then know what product/service to create because they understand that market being consumers themselves, sometimes the wrong train takes you to the right station. Maybe you'll see something like that in your future job, or you'll discover that's more of your pace and is happier.

 

[jhutch77]

@sullyrb1979 Very well said. Highs and lows are a part of life.

 

[marco_732]

@cindie You’re 25. You’re still 3 years to royally fuck up and learn keep grinding.

 

[teejayde]

@cindie Mam you're 25 ,stop talking like you're 80. There's still a long way to go...and trust me getting a job is easy i know because I've been a recruiter with fortune 500 companies for over 9 years. Don't let the hype intimidate you. There's probably someone looking out for a candidate or solution provider like you. Just find a hobby which keeps you obsessed and try to find a way to make money out of it . If you think the enterpreneurship is too much you can always go back to find a job . But imho enterpreneurship is the way to go , especially when there's so much happening in the world right now. Just keep it simple ,find an interest ,immerse yourself and monetize.

 

[solanus]

@cindie There is a long road ahead, particularly with the debt and the difficult undertaking of starting over in your profession. It could be hard to restore the abilities you've lost, and in a competitive market, it might be hard to find a job that recognizes your startup experience. The ugly truth is that disappointments like this can have lingering consequences on one's mental and financial well-being. Hang in there mate. https://www.cuppa.so/post/breaking-...t-understanding-signs-and-recovery-strategies

 

[torino]

@cindie Totally understandable to be spent right now, don’t feel guilty. And also almost always a loss on first startup. So you have put in the time to learn and are doing par. In my experience, your take aways are what determine your life path now. If you regret not following the clearer path, go back to that and you will be happy. If you feel like despite the loss, you think you can build something awesome next time, do that. Either one totally fine and both lead to happiness. The important thing is you put yourself through these last two years, you know what it’s like, and you can make a good decision in a few weeks when you start to recover.

 

[yippeeforskippee]

@cindie knowing the feeling I can only advise the following :

You have to reset and clear your mind- back to positivity

1.) buy a plane ticket to Europe / Asia / South America a - anywhere - you can play video games @ your hostile

2.) go have have some fun , you do all these things to gain financial freedom , enjoy your youth it doesn’t come back. Plenty of money making out there - your knowledge and experience will make the next one work

 

[cindie]

@yippeeforskippee I think maybe that's the next stage. Although I can't necessarily afford an overseas trip right now...it always has been a dream of mine to bikepack the Swiss Alps. Or on a smaller scale, pack a tent in my Subaru Outback and go explore the country some more.

Thank you friend.

 

[justme4now]

@cindie Oh man, this is rough—I’m sorry to hear this. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I imagine it took a lot of courage to share.

I imagine am preaching to the choir here, but in this game of business, the highs are ecstatic and the lows are harrowing. One moment (or quarter, or year) you’re raising hundreds of thousands, and the next moment your hard work’s been extinguished.

I can only imagine the heavy sadness—and perhaps grief—that you must feel now. You have lost something that you worked hard for, arguably through no fault of your own; that is unfortunately one of the outcomes (and dare I say most common outcome) of this game.

I imagine, too, that the nagging question of “what if?” must be equally, if not more, searing than the weight of melancholy. What if your startup did not fold? What if you had stayed at your job instead? What if you were able to raise a subsequent round of funding?

I would like to gently suggest, however, that no matter how potent and real these hypotheticals seem—and how heavy the feeling of regret may feel—that you should give yourself credit in this moment where you need it the most.

Not out of self-pity, but out of acknowledgement of the fact that you could not have known that this would have been the outcome when you first had to decide which path to take.

Indeed, what you took was a calculated risk, and all risks come with the possibility of loss. You may have lost, but that is not an indictment of your decision-making ability; it is just the nature of risk. Often, good choices can lead to bad results, and bad choices can lead to good outcomes.

I know that does vanishingly little to assuage the feeling that you no longer hold an identity that you worked so hard to earn, and I am certain that the feelings of hollowness and alienation must be difficult to bear. Here, I wish to contend that you are no less a startup founder than one who “made it”; it is not the outcome, after all, that makes a person—it is the person who makes the outcome.

On a similar note, you mention that you are embarrassed that you failed. I know how much it pains the ego to feel like you have to go on an apology tour, and how much the shame of having a real or imagined scarlet letter hanging from your neck stings.

Yet, as preposterous as it sounds, I insist that what you deserve to feel is neither regret nor embarrassment, but quiet pride. I am not one to glorify “entrepreneur porn”, but it is true that you knowingly took on more calculated risk in your short career than many would ever do.

Even though this outcome was not what you wanted, you lived out the wildest dreams of many of your peers in your industry. While they were all too inhibited to leave the fleeting safety of their cushy jobs, you chose to do the more difficult thing. In my humble opinion, your breed of professional courage deserves high praise, and far, far outweighs the shame of defeat.

Finally, I would like to contend that defeat is not a mark of inadequacy, but rather uniqueness. In Japan, there is a type of art known as kintsugi. When ceramic pottery is cracked or broken, they are not discarded.

Instead, the shattered ceramic is pieced back together. The cracks, however, are not painted over or hidden away as defects. Instead, the seams are lacquered in precious gold so that the ceramic object’s cracks are accentuated above all else—highlighting the unique story and history of a one-of-a-kind item.

OP, I wish that you will one day feel similarly proud of your remarkable professional story as well.

 

[cindie]

@justme4now Wow. This was beautiful. I appreciate and thank you for putting time into this response that hits the nail on the head for everything. I have faith that one day, once I've recovered and bounced back, I'll look back and have these same exact sentiments. That I should be proud of taking the risk, being proud of how far we made it, and know that this will be a great story for the grandkids one day.

Thank you for the reference on Kintsugi too. I had no idea about this technique. Aside from being absolutely beautiful pieces of art, that is an incredibly powerful analogy to the situation. I feel like I have to buy a piece now to signify the journey.

Thank you. I appreciate you so much.

 

[tate]

@cindie $100k in debt isn't the worst, especially if you can go back into an IT job. Plenty of people have more with less lucrative career prospect. If you make good decisions you can have it payed off in a few years.

 

[mommaof2]

@cindie Hey it’s alright. That feeling does go away. I’ve had the same thing happen to me and I was devastated for a bit. Took some time to myself, got in the workforce, found another problem to solve and started working.

That first company will always hold a place in my heart though.

 

[majordadsage]

@cindie I am sorry you feel that way. At the same time you have learnt a lot about what doing a business is and also about yourself. You are young as they say. At your age I was just partying around. Now, you need to be true to yourself. Some people thrive in larger organizations, safer (and well paid) jobs. Some other people get smacked in the face with a concrete brick and they stumble a bit and then they stand and do it again, because they cannot even fathom working for someone else. Who are you? Both of them are legitimate options and no one can tell you otherwise. But if you are risk averse don’t try to be a risk taking entrepreneur, and viceversa. That will just make you miserable.