@thepaintedbeat If you suspect people not saying what they mean, or not meaning what they say, call it out on them.
In your example, I would say something like "Do you really mean you want to talk to a male instead?"
They will likely say "No of course not."
Acknowledging your thoughts helps move the conversation forward, ahead of whatever misinterpretations there might be. Call out anything you suspect or are not certain of, and the other person will usually help clarify.
This "Calling out" technique works great for negotiations as well.
@f100flyr Its only paints your self as someone who seeks clarification. Its something some lawyers do in their opening remarks when they are defending someone. They state all the things which their client is being accused of. Naming an issue helps diffuse it.
Maybe I should not have named it "Calling out", maybe "labelling it" would have been better.
But it indeed works well. The only thing worse than something negative happening, is not acknowledging it at all.
@f100flyr I don't know that that's necessarily true. A lot depends on the particular tone and wording as well as on the type of person on the other end. If you're talking to someone who's a misogynist at heart then it probably won't matter, but for a lot of men they really don't mean to offend and will take the data point. In the most enlightened cases they may realize that they were making an assumption due to implicit bias and apologize and try not to do it again in the future. Just give the person the benefit of the doubt. Assume they mean the best because if they don't, that will be clear pretty quickly and you can hang up.
@thepaintedbeat The is anyone else joining line does feel demeaning sometimes but as a guy, I hear it a lot too. My female cofounder hears it about the same amount so I think some people just expect to meet a team.
When I started my company I was super jacked, confident and joked around a lot and everyone would be like "so where's the tech guy?" I feel like if you don't have glasses or act like a condescending autist, then people think that you probably don't know shit about tech.
I was interviewing a guy for a leadership role as Head of Datascience last week, who happens to be athletic and handsome and I can't remember exactly what I said to trigger it but he whipped out glasses and a tweed jacket and was like this is my shtick for when I have to be "the tech guy".
It sucks sometimes but perhaps some fake glasses and dressing like a nerdy professor a bit when you want people to be convinced of your tech prowess might help?
I have another cofounder that is amazing at giving people the impression he's a genius even from very short meetings (to be fair he probably is). He's very jokey and friendly but he always drops technical terms where it's completely unnecessary, like I might say "so you see it sort of balances out" and he'll say "ah yes like a Nash Equilibrium". So you could try this. I can't make it sound natural for me though but maybe you'll have more luck
@thepaintedbeat I heard a heard a quote from someone which went on the lines of "To be able to think, you should risk being offensive". When people think, they make assumptions and when they make the wrong impression of you, either you don't care and let it go or if their opinion matters to you that much you work on proving them wrong.
This is exactly what you're doing - you're assuming their tone is the same as some idiot that actually undermined you previously. To assess whether you are right or wrong on your assumption you need to test them out. For example, if you say the product is your brain-child and you are the sole developer, and they still insist on "ask your tech guy" then you are proven right. Then and ONLY then should you bring the big guns and shut them down - you'd probably not want to do business with such people anyway.
While it's understandable to get emotional when facing the same nonsensical BS again and again, the best piece of advice is to put emotion aside and be logical because at the end of the day, logic always wins.
A couple changes that would probably help are:
Starting off every meeting with introducing yourself which includes the fact that you're the CTO and primary developer of the product. Usually this will solve all those legitimate "ask your tech guy" responses - in short, given multiple chances to people prior to beating the crap out of them.
Like others suggested, you could ask your CEO and team who join the call to point all "ask your tech guy" questions directly to you during the call. This will establish that you're the point person for all things technical and considering you were in the CEO chair earlier, you could also ask him to specifically ask your opinion on questions that are pointed at him.
@thepaintedbeat use it to your advantage. Make it somehow memorable, say a passive aggressive reply "Like I'm the tech gal", embarrass them a bit but switch to joke don't keep it too long awkward. These moments can make you memorable because of the surprise element. If after you at the AI company comes another 10 boring guys all the same typical , who do you think will be remember at the end of the day.
Ask him what he means. No different than a sexist joke. Make them expain. Make them squirm.
95% of the time they'll learn a lesson, and 5% of the time you'll learn they meant something else.
And when they're done explaining that all they wanted were higher ranking people, say you agree, and ask them to get their boss on the line. Then introduce yourself to their boss as the CTO, and explain how you got there.
You'll might lose the account. They'll definitely lose the job.
@enigmaticaptcha This, although in some (not all) cases there's a very non-aggressive way to do this too. For one, you could spell it out, something like "I'm sorry but I have to warn you that I'm sensitive to people assuming that I'm non-senior or non-technical because I'm a woman, even though it may be unintentional. So just to be clear I am the team and I am the technical lead, though I can give you my background if it would help." There's probably more subtle ways too, but giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and keeping it amicable.
@thepaintedbeat From a sales perspective, you should be taking control of the call. Establish up front who you are, what you'll be discussing, and how things will proceed. You can even send details in the calendar invite in advance of who is going to be on the call and what you'll be going over.
If you demonstrate your expertise it's unlikely they're going to ask to connect with a developer next time. Lead with insights, teach them something, make the call worth their time.
As a founder, I've had calls where people thought I was the sales guy and they wanted to talk to the CEO or "my boss" to negotiate a deal. They just didn't know. I'm sure people are being sexist (don't work with them) but there are some people you can flip so this wont be a recurring event.
@thepaintedbeat Take matters into your own hands. Do not leave anything to chance. Introduce yourself as the technical co-founder, your background in technology (previous gigs or what you’ve built before), then talk about why you created the company or how you’re responsible for building the product and the technical team, and why the technology matters. Whoever is in the room will get the point.
@thepaintedbeat Many people in the business world act tough to have an advantage in the conversation but don't let yourself be bothered by it.
They win the moment you look weak or confused, so just think to yourself that the person you are talking to is just dumb and correct them in a "dry" tone. Most of the time that makes it all. Aside from that, I don't know you, but you always have to be the toughest and never play the "woman-card", if you do that you lose.
Always keep in mind, that the ultimate goal is money, most of the time it's a strategy to get an advantage.
@thepaintedbeat Wish I had better news for you, but it doesn't really get better you just learn to work around it. I've been in business for 30+ years now and this still happens. It's been happening the entire time and hasn't changed much, even though I have been first leading teams then supervising and now owning my own business. It happens in business and in the outside world. **
Continue to be professional and ignore it. You will not be able to change the preconceived notions, so you can either let it upset you or just keep swimming. You can't change it because it's not about you or anything you did - it's about them and their preconceived, sexist ideas.
** I'm fairly good at a sport that's almost all men. Even when I (or if I'm leading a team, my team) win, that doesn't change how I'm treated. When men win, the others congratulate them and ask for advice and tips. When I (or a team I'm leading) win, the men will compliment me on having "fast" equipment. About 50% of the time, men I've beaten will offer advice on what I could do to improve my performance.
@thepaintedbeat Ignore it and talk the talk so they know you are the one that can help them.
When I do sales calls I ask questions... listen... and recommend... by the end of the call they know I am the one they are going to higher even with price war scenarios.
@thepaintedbeat I think you should be clear on your designation when you contact them first via email, or chat or phone.
Heck, even write as Chief technology officer rather than CTO.
It is important always to talk about designation when you introduce your self on a call or in person.
I am bla bla, the chief technology officer, i handle so and so. Let that impression make a point.
I experienced being shadowed in a meeting many times and have over come by it by making my presence noted in introduction.
Be confident in your self and take charge of the conversation.
@thepaintedbeat Next meetings see if you can set expectations a little further up front. Head these issues off before they have a chance to come up.
“Looking forward to the next conversation. Planning to discuss latest updates on x-project and what I’m handling currently in my CTO role. It will be me on the call with you and anyone else on your team you want to join”
I’m sure that could be wordsmithed much better, but you get the gist.
@thepaintedbeat My startup is in a very male dominated B2B industry, I have so far not experienced this. I have taken on a private technical investor and am happy he is a middle aged male so if it does become an issue I can pull him into a meeting to front the clients.
Yes you could decide not to work with that type of clientele, but essentially business is business, and I would rather adapt for the benefit of the company that I have put so much blood sweat and tears into.
