Had to close b&m due to Covid. Can’t seem to feel better

[workinprogress89]

I know this isn’t really the best subreddit for this, but my fucking god, if people haven’t had a business they do NOT get it. I feel like the light has left my life and I’m dead inside and I don’t know what to do next.

We were open shy of a couple weeks of it being a full year. Coronavirus got us, like others, and we weren’t food so no takeout, etc.

I did everything myself and was the one who showed up. I did not have employees but a solid team of 5 volunteers. I was front desk, customer service, did all the back end stuff, website, social media, blah blah, you know, all the 24/7 about it.

I feel so lost now and everyone in my life (right now, I guess) is extremely fucking tone deaf. I don’t bring it up, I have been applying for some jobs, but I feel like I lost a loved one to a horrible death.

I hope that my language has not made me look a fool, my husband has seen the worst of me trying to process the grief. I know it will pass (and I’m only 29), but I just can’t seem to move on and if someone else can even drop an ounce of knowledge I would appreciate the moment and kindness in being able to relate.

If you are going through this too, I wish I could hug you. I don’t even know you, but I wish I could hold you and relieve you of the awful feelings, even if just for a moment, because it’s incredibly painful. I see you.

 

[downtherabbithole]

@workinprogress89 Hugs back at ya. You're right, those who've never owned a business have no idea. I have no advice for you, but it seems that the fact that you recognize your feelings as "grief" is probably a really good start. There are resources out there for those who are grieving, don't deny yourself the label or the resources, cuz it's what you're feeling. I'm so sorry this has happened to all of us. Again, hugs back at ya. Hang in there.

 

[workinprogress89]

@downtherabbithole Definitely, hugs to ya. Likewise - I am sorry that this world event has had a negative impact as well.

 

[mariamia613]

@workinprogress89 At your age and with this experience, any future business endeavor is sure to succeed! Even if the current thing fails, another opportunity will present itself. After we all get past this, you'll be able to hit the ground hard and go. I'm 60. I don't have that kind of up-side and I'm damn jealous!

 

[katherine317]

@mariamia613 What kind of business would you want to be a part of?

 

[mariamia613]

@katherine317 I am well into the ending phases of residential construction business. It has been steady although challenging. There is never enough time or money to do as well as I would like. The creativity is waning for me. I've solved most of the puzzles. What would I do next? Probably creep into retirement. There will be opportunities for entrepreneurs. You'll see.

 

[fredsorex]

@workinprogress89 One of the hardest things about owning your own business is the fact that you can't help but hold it as a proxy for your own self worth. You put everything you've got into it, and as it grows you feel that pride of accomplishment. When the rug gets pulled out from under you though, you need to remind yourself that this project isn't you. You were able to make it shine, and you can do it again. Hang in there, and remember you were the power that made the light-bulb shine. Make sure you are learning everything you can from this, so you can shine that much brighter when the switch comes on again.

 

[tzav]

@workinprogress89 People without a business will never get it, and that's ok. Find some people with businesses (like here!) and we will get it.

I am sorry for the loss of your baby (your business was a child like any other) . Is there anything to salvage from it? Did you have a customer list that you could do a monthly box of goodies to? Is there another way to get some value from your hard work over the last year?

 

[baruch_atah]

@tzav I’ve had two businesses run into financial distress and the way I reflect on it is that it is like a very exclusive university. There is no other way to get this type of life experience and it is also the most valuable experience you can have. If you learn from it. Delete your pride and focus on your future and you can move past it. The secret to walking away from your pride is to realize that no one is thinking about you or your business anywhere near as much as you think they are. Your family is, but only as far as in that they love you. I found certain books really helpful (jocko willink) and it’s worth the time to find something that resonates with you!

 

[tzav]

@baruch_atah A very expensive university at times also. I agree with your thoughts. Best of luck to you.

 

[edram]

@workinprogress89 I completely empathize. I was about to close on a lease for a showroom right when this hit, and was luckily able to back out at the last minute to avoid massive overhead thats pointless now. I'm still able to do business from home, but its thrown a massive wrench into every process and all the enjoyment has been sucked out of it.

I'm almost 40 and had worked my whole life to get to where I am and was about a year along in my new business as well, but had some huge clients that have started dropping off crushing my momentum, so now I'm just treading water to try to get through this. Ive been depressed and completely unmotivated. I think the worst part is that so much is out of my control now and I can't "grow". I despise stagnation. I'm also not sure how much worse everything is going to get so it feels pointless to bust ass when it may all fall apart anyway.

I started a vegetable garden and am raising chickens now, which is really the only thing I want to do since I can control the outcome and it helps me escape. With my business, every day I'm running into problems I can't solve because of the pandemic and they keep piling up.

You are not alone.

 

[savedsoulsavior777]

@workinprogress89 I had worked for my company for 31 years. The owner/my mentor passed away and his kids made an offer for me to buy the business. Last October I signed my life away on an SBA loan. Shortly into April, I was sure we were headed toward bankruptcy (business and personal). I sank into a feeling of hopelessness, depression, and grief. Although I logically knew I was harping on things out of my control, I was consumed by 1) regret over the purchase and 2) fear of the future. More than one person suggested I seek some professional counseling. I did so.

Just being able to talk to someone made a huge difference. However, he correctly reiterated that we're going through a situation none of us have seen before. He gave me threee questions to ask at the end of each day:

1) Did I work hard?

2) Did I do my best?

3) Is there anything I want to do differently?

Being honest with those questions helped me weather the worst days so far. After that it's largely out of my hands. Think about that to yourself. You have a long life ahead of you. It will get better. For now, see about talking to someone non-judgemental.

 

[tessy40]

@savedsoulsavior777 Thank you for sharing. Those three questions seem like they would be very helpful in processing.

 

[sarahac]

@workinprogress89 Ohhhh I feel you. I know exactly what you mean about everyone else being tone deaf. All of my friends are either engineers or accountants or stay at home moms. So none of them are really affected by this other than whining about not being able to go out and party and drink. I’m about your age too, so I know I have a lot of life and opportunities ahead of me too. But this still freakin sucks. I know my family and friends mean well when they try to encourage me. But it is getting so annoying constantly listening to their empty encouragement. It almost feels like they don’t recognize how significant and important my business was to me and what I’ve lost. It kind of feels like... I don’t know, what I imagine is must feel like to have a miscarriage or lose a young child, and people keep trying to cheer you up by saying, “Don’t worry! You’ll have more babies!” I’ve never experienced that so I’m not trying to pretend I know what it feels like, or imply that it is even remotely of the same level of significance. But I imagine the phenomenon is kinda similar. It’s just grief. And it sucks. So. Much.

One thing that gives me a little bit of solace is to keep reminding myself that no one has ever been through a pandemic like this before. Since I’m still young and this is my first business, I kinda keep feeling like I’ve failed at my career and I’ve failed at being an adult. But that is not the case. Plenty of people twice our age with decades of business experience are getting knocked down by the pandemic just as hard. It’s tough to not take it personally when you’ve put so much of your heart into your business.

 

[picko13149]

@sarahac Exactly like u said. There’s tons of people that are deep in the bussiness game getting knocked out of it. Keep your dang head up girl. This is not your LAST RODEO dammit!!! You will RIDE again and be stronger for it!!!!! Don’t let a temporary issue determine your future!! It might suck now but that will not stay the case!! We will all rise back!! We are all here for you going thru similar pain and financial suffering. We need to stay grounded and get ready for the comebacks!!!!

 

[tkchapin]

@workinprogress89 You didn't have a business.

You had a lifestyle. You didn't lose a job. You lost the equivalent of a marriage. People can try to empathize but they can never really 'get it' until they have that experience.

And in this case, you didn't lose a lifestyle. It was taken from you.

The subtle differences here in language and context actually make really big differences. It's not inappropriate here to seek a grief counselor or other help because this wasn't just a loss. This was a tragic, life changing event.

 

[johng1968]

@workinprogress89 So sorry to hear this but I’m in the exact same spot & can relate.. Having to close my bar in Houston probably at the end of this month. Things are bad and may get worse but we’ll come out of this stronger I’m sure

 

[bard]

@workinprogress89 I have run my own small business for 6 years, but recently my step-brother-in-law shared his entrepreneurial path with me and it made me rethink how I approach small business ownership and operation.

Cliff notes version: over the course of about 20 years, he started a business, it worked for a bit then failed due to outside influence. He started another business it went great but he exited too soon and didn’t get paid. He went to work for someone else, sharpened his skills, came back a few years later, started another business, and it failed. Started another business with a friend, had a falling out, business never reached its full potential. Finally started another business, it took off and he is living easy. He’s a smart man and a very hard worker.

The point is, along the entrepreneurial journey, it’s exceedingly rare to have some work out to its full potential. More often, it’s fits and starts and outside influences that bring a business grinding to a halt. I thought my business was bulletproof and then covid hit, and we’re hurting bad. But, I know that if I have to close up shop, there’s a million things I would do different next time. And the time after that. And the time after that. And I’m going to keep plugging away until I find that sweet spot.

This doesn’t help the pain in the moment necessarily, but once the bug bites you, it’s hard to stay away for very long. You’ll be back bigger, stronger, and smarter eventually.

I feel your pain. I really do. But chin up, we got this. Anyone willing to go through what you just did won’t be down for long.

 

[itsjustmerae]

@workinprogress89 I'm a business owner so I get it. My business is my life. It's ideal for me, perfect for how I want to work. I couldn't stand working for others.

What would you want to do ideally? Inbox me if you ever need any advice!

 

[elam]

@workinprogress89 Genuinely curious, what type of business did you have where you relied on volunteer work? Was it charity based?